I Saw Mommy Kissing Jólnir Under the Mistletoe

Yuletide greetings from sunny Towcester Abbey, in the beautiful Sierra Pelona Mountains of California. Thanks for your support over the years.

A Viking-Asatru Christmas Carol

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Hall

Not a creature was stirring, not warrior nor thrall.

And I in my armor, my greaves and my helm

Was drunker than anyone else in the Realm.

I staggered upstairs and fell into bed

While four quarts of mead were ablaze in my head.

Then up from below came the sounds of a brawl

So I grabbed up my axe and ran down to the Hall.

I missed the last step and crashed down in a heap

Thinking, “Why can’t those low-lifes downstairs go to sleep!”

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

But two brawny strangers, wielding mallet and spear.

I said to myself, “We’ll soon have them beat!”

Then I noticed ten warriors laid out at their feet.

I gave out a yell and leapt into the fray…

I’ll always regret my poor choice of that day.

For the one laid his hammer to the side of my nose

And up, up, up to the rafters I rose.

Then came a lone frightened voice from the floor,

“Those are no mortal warriors — that’s Odin and Thor!”

Then they looked at each other and they said, “Battle’s done.

Now they know who we are, it no longer is fun.”

Then Thor raised his hammer, and his elbow he bent,

And with a loud crash, through the ceiling they went.

I crawled through the Hall and flung open the door,

Not really sure that I’d seen them before.

The snow bathed in starlight, the moon like a glede,

I saw them ride off on an eight-legged steed.

And I heard them exclaim, ‘ere they flew out of sight,

“TO HELA WITH CHRISTMAS, WE JUST LOVE A GOOD FIGHT!”

-author unknown, but many thanks to Pye O'Malley-